Making Assumptions!
Updated: Oct 4
Have you ever made an assumption only to have it blow up on you? This week, we want to learn to stop making assumptions.
When I first joined the Charity Cases cycling team and committed to riding a 350-mile-long tour to Nebraska as my first big trip, I assumed Nebraska was flat. All of you well-meaning people who said, “Oh, but Nebraska is flat, isn't it?” well, thanks, but Nebraska's not flat.
Now, I survived that particular assumption. However, every day, millions, maybe even billions, of people make huge assumptions about other people's thoughts, motives, and character.
The teaching
When I joined the Charity Cases and signed up for the Tour de Nebraska, I assumed Nebraska was flat. Survived that one. Most assumptions about other people’s thoughts, motives, and character do more damage than a headwind.
Ruiz: Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate clearly. You avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.
Steve Maraboli asked the better question: How would your life be different if you stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about the people you meet?
Then he answered it with the assignment we are using this week.
How to begin
Catch the story you are writing about someone before you have asked them anything.
Ask one real question instead of completing their motives for them.
Look for the good. Respect the journey — including the parts you cannot see.
Yes. Use this one, and skip the viral “most conflict is caused by assumptions” lines. Those almost never have a study behind them.
**Partners correctly read each other’s thoughts and feelings only about 30–35% of the time.** William Ickes’s empathic-accuracy research, cited in Hinnekens and colleagues (2020). Some studies land closer to 20%. Flipped: we are wrong about the other person’s mind roughly two times out of three, even with someone we live with.
That is the coaching stat. It matches the week exactly: we invent motives, character, and intent, and we are usually guessing.
Coach Rob’s stat of the week:
Even with the person closest to us, we correctly read what they are thinking or feeling only about a third of the time. The other two-thirds is a story we wrote. That is why Ruiz says don’t make assumptions. Ask.
This week’s Life Challenge
Let today be the day you look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.
Curiosity is cheaper than a blown-up story
You can decide to look for the good. You still need a place to come back when the old assumption starts writing itself.
The app is that place — a check-in, a short return, a reminder that other people are on a journey too.
Ask. Don’t invent. Thirty days. No credit card for the trial. Come practice.
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